it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
