my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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