My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
