people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
