i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
