This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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