last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
