On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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