I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
