It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
