So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
