what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
