Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
