one might say we're banned from that church
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
