How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
