Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
