Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
