and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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