If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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