I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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