I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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