Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
