That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
