He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
being pregnant is like rehab
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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