Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
