Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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