I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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