when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
