the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My vagina just recognized that song.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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