i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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