OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
