Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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