I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
