pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
