I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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