Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
