Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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