omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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