Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
