is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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