Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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