yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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