dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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