I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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