the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
