During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
