I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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