Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
