hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
