Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
