he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
