I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
