Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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