Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
