i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
